Ever felt moody, and ‘out of sorts’ – not really like ‘you’?  I’m sure many Alzheimer’s Disease (AD) sufferers can relate.

According to the Alzheimer’s Association: “Experts estimate that up to 40 percent of people with AD suffer from significant depression.” Also, individuals with AD may experience and display ‘anger, aggression, and stubbornness’.  Why?  Once again from the Alzheimer’s Association, “The main cause of behavioral symptoms associated with dementia is the progressive deterioration of brain cells…” 

Soon after my mother had been diagnosed with AD, she tried to prepare me for what she knew was ahead.  How did she know?  Unfortunately, she had watched her grandfather go through AD.  She knew… all too well.

“This disease . . . ” mom said, shaking her head knowingly, “I’m . . . I’m probably going to say some things that are, well – they’re just not nice.”

I heard my mother’s words clearly, and yet I was puzzled by them.  Mom knew about AD but I knew very little, other than what I’d seen on TV which was basically a few humorous clips of some harmlessly amusing, forgetful old folks.  

“Just remember, that is not me talking,” mom shook her head in disgust. “That is the disease.”

Though I didn’t understand those words, they had been spoken with such intensity that I never forgot them.  My mother lived for 12 years after her diagnosis, and during that time I came to fully understand what those words meant. You see my real mother, the mother she had been before AD gradually destroyed her brain, had tried to live by the old adage, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!”

So when the extreme stubbornness came, coupled with the illogical, and unreasonable behavior of AD, it was nearly inevitable that anger and some not-so-nice things would occur unless one of us took a b-i-g step back.  

My mother’s gerontologist gave me some essential advice for caregiving, “Don’t try to reason with her – AD has eaten away her mind’s ability to reason.  2 + 2 will never equal 4 with her – no matter how well you explain it.” 

In other words, your AD loved one is not fully responsible for her thoughts, words, or actions any more. 

However, we caregivers are. 

I understand completely how unfair that is. Your mom insists she doesn’t need that medicine and refuses to take it again and again. Tempers begin to flare up. You’re irritated because you’re just trying to do what’s best for her.

You have sacrificed a lot to be there for her, and there are so many other things demanding your time – there is never enough of it. But instead of mom being cooperative and grateful, you’re facing her anger and resistance at nearly every turn. A five-minute job frequently requires fifteen.

On the other hand, your mother is irritated because she has completely lost control of her mind and her life. She is no longer allowed to drive. Where she lives, when and what she eats, and where she can go is all determined by her caregiver. 

The problem is that AD people rarely recognize their own incompetency because they forget how much they forget: couple that with an inability to reason and resistance is bound to occur.

Praying is a good response to that situation, but there’s more.  

2 Corinthians 10:5b is a key verse in overcoming.

We caregivers must be intentional, striving to reign in our thoughts.  Don’t give yourself permission to dwell on the frustration of the situation, even though you know it’s going to happen again and again!  

Consider your loved one’s declining mental state, and graciously make allowances:

Choose to think on the right things:

Had your AD-loved one known what was coming, I bet she would have said exactly what mine did: “Just remember, that is not me talking, that is the disease.”