Love – So Much More than a Feeling

Maria I. MorganUnderstanding God's Truth

Love – So Much More than a Feeling


What comes to mind when you think of love? Maybe a candlelight dinner with romantic music playing in the background. Or a bouquet of beautiful roses. I have to admit my natural default is to think about love in light of all those sweet things that make me feel valued.

The truth is – love goes beyond pleasant feelings, and what I think is good for me.

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When our daughter was young, there were plenty of times my husband and I showed love by saying ‘no.’ No, don’t touch the stove. No, don’t pull the dog’s tail. No, don’t put that Lego in your mouth. Sounds pretty negative, right? But if we would have allowed her to do those things, it could have been disastrous.

Qualities of love


The same is true in our relationship with the Lord. Sometimes we question whether God loves us when His answer to our request is ‘no.’ I’m learning that it’s my definition of ‘love’ that needs to change. The apostle Paul gave us a detailed definition of love that begs a closer look:

Sometimes we question whether God loves us when His answer to our request is ‘no.’

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Charity (love) suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up. 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 8 Charity never faileth . . . 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (word in parentheses mine)

Instead of focusing on what’s in it for me, God’s Word emphasizes how I’m to love others. Here are the qualities that characterize love:

suffers long

is kind

isn’t envious

isn’t proud

isn’t rude

doesn’t seek its own way

isn’t easily provoked

doesn’t think evil

doesn’t rejoice in wickedness

rejoices in the truth

bears all things

believes all things

hopes all things

endures all things


That’s quite a list! And not something I can live out on my own. Fortunately we have the ultimate example of God/Jesus Christ and as believers, the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit to help us.

Our Example


So how did God/Jesus demonstrate love?


Made a way for us to be reconciled to Him

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.Romans 5:8

At salvation, gave us His Holy Spirit

But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.John 14:26

Gave us the opportunity to be a part of His work

. . . Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.Mark 16:15

Is preparing a home for us in Heaven

In my Father’s house are many mansions: If it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.John 14:2

Now that’s love! Pursuing you and I when we were happy in our sin: giving us His Spirit so we can love like He does and do the work He’s called us to do; crafting a beautiful place where we can live with Him forever.

Your turn

Questions to consider


So how are you doing at showing this thing called love? Here are a few excellent questions written by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth for you to consider (you can read Nancy’s entire post here).

Love suffers long. (v.4)

  • Do you respond as Christ would when people mistreat you?
  • Are you patient when people inconvenience you or bother you?
  • Are you long-suffering when others take advantage of you? Or quick to express irritation or anger.
  • Is there anyone that you are trying to pay back for what they have done to you?
  • Are you genuinely concerned for the welfare of those who have wronged you? Do you wait patiently to see the effects of your love in their lives?

 

Love is kind. (v.4)

  • Are you a kind, considerate, and respectful person?
  • Are you quick to render yourself useful to others? Do you search for opportunities to be helpful?
  • Are you especially eager to share in practical ways with the less fortunate?
  • Are you kind in your home? With your closest associates at work?
  • Are you kind with your tongue, using well-chosen words to encourage others? 

 

Love does not envy. (v.4)

  • Do you rejoice with those who rejoice?
  • Are you genuinely glad when someone else is promoted, gets a raise, or is recognized—and you are overlooked? Do you view others as rivals?
  • Do you respond with love: 
  • When your mate gets attention, praise or honor that you know is not deserved?
  • When your friend’s child excels at sports, music or academics—and your friend loves to tell you about it?
  • When a brother’s or sister’s family is financially prosperous while your family is struggling to make ends meet?
  • Are you content with the basic necessities of life and a right relationship with God? Or, do you have an unhealthy possessiveness of things?

 

Love does not parade itself. (v.4)

  • Do you boast about your abilities, gifts, accomplishments, or possessions?
  • Are you self-promoting, trying to draw attention to yourself with your words?
  • Do you flatter others with a secret hope of advancement?
  • Do you enjoy telling about your achievements more than listening to the accomplishments of others?
  • Are you content to do good works without recognition or praise?
  • Do you accept credit for things God has done?

 

Love is not puffed up. (v.4)

  • Do you have an accurate assessment of your strengths and weaknesses?
  • Do you harbor a spirit of pride—an inflated view of yourself?
  • Do you feel your spiritual gift is superior to other’s gifts?
  • Do you communicate an attitude of spiritual superiority toward your husband? Your family? Your work associates?

 

Love does not behave rudely. (v.5)

  • Do you have good manners?
  • Are you courteous to others, especially in your home?
  • Are you tactful—sensitive to the feelings of others and choosing words carefully—do you needlessly offend?
  • Are you agreeable when you must disagree with someone?
  • Do you use sarcasm or put-downs that show disrespect?

 

Love does not seek its own. (v.5)

  • Do you love your neighbor as yourself?
  • Do you consciously look out for the welfare of others above your own?
  • Are you self-protective of your time? Assertive of your rights?
  • Is your reputation a prime concern?
  • Do you search your heart’s motives before acting?
  • Do you pray for other’s needs more than your own? 

Love is not provoked. (v.5)

  • Do you have the kind of love that overlooks offenses? Or, do you get exasperated and irritated when you don’t get your way?
  • Do you fly off the handle or blow up when “crossed”?
  • Are you easily upset by unpleasant circumstances that are beyond your ability to control or change?
  • Do you cast blame, when in reality you are simply being touchy or thin-skinned?

 

Love thinks no evil. (v.5)

  • Do you remember others’ wrongs or failures with pleasure? Do you keep track of their offenses or hold a grudge?
  • Are you quick to forgive those who wrong you, clearing the record of their offense?
  • Do you focus on people’s quirks and foibles instead of their strengths?
  • When wrong thoughts about people come to mind, do you silently pray for them? Or, do you criticize them to others?

 

Love does not rejoice in iniquity. (v.6)

  • Do you love righteousness? Do you hate evil?
  • Do you laugh when sin—wrong words, attitudes, or behavior are presented in a humorous light?
  • Are you grieved when you or another believer sins?
  • Do you sympathize with others in their wrong doing or wrong thinking about God and His ways—making excuses for their sin?
  • Do you thrive on gossip?
  • Are you secretly happy when another person falls into sin?

 

Love rejoices in the truth. (v.6)

  • Do you welcome others sharing truth with you about your life and needs?
  • Are you discerning about doctrinal truth and error? Do you compromise the truth?
  • Are you willing to lovingly speak the truth in private to those who have wandered far from it, even if that means risking rejection?
  • Do you rejoice when truth triumphs? When people turn to God and change?
  • Do you encourage others when they choose to do right?

 

Love bears all things. (v.7)

  • Do you have the kind of love that covers a multitude of offenses?
  • Do you seek to cover and protect others from attacks or harm?
  • Are you willing to endure hardships for others’ sake without complaining?
  • Are you willing to waive your personal rights—even legitimate ones—in order to advance the cause of Christ or guard His reputation?
  • Have you learned to patiently trust God through the darkest circumstances of life?

 

Love believes all things. (v.7)

  • Do you assume positively of people, giving them the benefit of the doubt?
  • Are you quick to jump to conclusions? Do you assume people’s motives or actions are wrong before getting all the facts?
  • Do you generally regard people with suspicion?
  • Have you learned to examine situations carefully from a biblical perspective?

 

Love hopes all things. (v.7)

  • Have you given up on God’s ability to change certain people?
  • Do you simply expect negative behavior from certain people?
  • Do you try to see people through God’s eyes so that you can reach out to meet their needs? Do you have a vision of what a person can be when walking with the Lord?
  • Do you seek the big picture (God’s perspective)? Or, are you frustrated when events do not work out as you had planned?

 

Love endures all things. (v.7)

  • Does your love remain strong through testing, even when faced with humanly insurmountable obstacles?
  • Is your love dependent on others’ responses?
  • Do you keep loving, even when your efforts are rejected or seem unsuccessful?
  • When you feel you cannot love, do you choose to act in loving ways—asking God to express His love through you—until your feelings catch up? 

 

“Pursue love.” (1 Cor. 14:1a)

  1. Agree with God about your inability or unwillingness to express His love.
  2. Ask God to fill you with His love and His Spirit.
  3. Make a conscious choice to love every person, in every situation.
  4. Let the love of Christ be the measure of your love.

Can I pray for you?

Heavenly Father, thank You for reminding us what love looks like. Forgive us for the inaccurate expectation that love always involves pleasant feelings and what we think is best for us. Help us live out true love in the power of Your Holy Spirit. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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Love is the first fruit of the Spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:22. We’ll be focusing on love throughout the month of February. If you’re interested in studying the fruit of the Spirit in greater detail, I’ve written a 10-week Bible study, Outrageously Fruitful, you can pick up here. Weekly videos accompany each lesson. Here’s a sneak peek at the video for week 1: Is It Love?

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